I wasn’t always like this.
I had a life that made sense. I had direction. I had people who believed in me. For a long time, I thought I had everything under control.
Then life changed. Not suddenly. Not loudly.
Quietly.
And this was the phase where I lost myself.
This is one chapter of my story
At first, I only drank at parties and weddings. It was a way to escape. A way to avoid people. A way to forget reality for a few hours. Then it became a routine. I would drink all night and sleep all day. No work. No responsibility. No real life.
It felt easy.
I didn’t have to face anyone. I didn’t have to explain myself. I didn’t have to think about the future. I just drank. Day after day. Night after night.
The cycle went on for two years.
Surviving felt easy. Living felt impossible.
I was getting loans easily because I had a good credit history. So I didn’t feel pressure to work. I didn’t feel pressure to change. I told myself I was only hurting myself. I didn’t realise I was hurting the people who cared about me.
When the money ran out, reality hit.
My credit score was destroyed. No one would lend me anything. My friends were gone. My family stopped supporting me financially. I was forced to work. I took whatever job I could find — small stores, big chains, anywhere that would take me.
But I kept drinking.
I kept losing jobs. I kept ruining chances.
Then it got worse.
Now I had rent to pay. Bills to cover. No stability. So I went back home.
And they welcomed me.
They still cared. They still loved me.
That broke me in a way alcohol never could.
I realised I wasn’t just destroying my life. I was destroying theirs too. They were carrying my mess with me. They were worrying when I disappeared. They were still standing there when I had nothing left to offer.
That was the moment I stopped running.
I didn’t become strong overnight. I didn’t fix everything in one day. I still wanted to drink. I still wanted to escape. I still wanted to forget.
But I wanted a future more.
So I chose to fight.
Not perfectly. Not easily. But honestly.
I never went to rehab. I never went to meetings. I didn’t have a sponsor. I only had one thing — a reason to live better.
It’s been two and a half years since that phase. I still drink occasionally, but I never went back. Right now, I’m three months sober.
And I’m still standing.
Hurting yourself is easy. Forgetting the pain is easy. Addiction is easy.
Living is hard.
But I choose to live.
And I’m not stopping now.
She Was My First Love. Losing Her Broke Me. But I’m Rebuilding My Life Again